I can’t. I just can’t.

I’m telling you, I can’t get a pedicure.

I’ve tried. 

It always sounds like a wonderful relaxing treat, but by the time my twinkle toes are in the hands of the masseur, I die. It’s a writhing dance of pretend enjoyment until I almost go full-Norris roundhouse on their face.

I cannot, and I envy those who can.

Can I get a witness, or is it just me?

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