I found an article from the November 1989 issue of Firehouse Magazine. It explained my father’s accident from a Firefighter’s or an Emergency Medical Technician’s perspective.

It was detailed about the process of performing medical care while figuring out extradition from a mangled vehicle. It outlined the emotions of fellow firefighters working on their brothers. And it used plain medical speech to describe my father’s injuries and the order in which he was triaged to hospital.

It was exactly what I needed to know.

Because I was the tender age of 5 when we lost him, I don’t remember much about who he was – especially not like an adult daughter might know her biological father. And it’s not helpful when shows (eh hem, “This is Us”) not only have a father figure also named Jack who dies young, but also portrays an idealistic father (Randall played by Sterling Brown). My ugly crying was more than just shared pop culture catharsis, yes, it was more. It was more, and it was too much. I didn’t need to go there like that. I would rather look at the logical side.

Something about hearing the facts about the actual event makes my father more real to me, and I’m grateful I found that article.